Monday, August 10, 2009

My big boy.

My big boy. So much like me. Looks like me. Doesn't like pickles and peanut butter. Loves books. Reminds me of me when I was his age. I see myself in so much he does. I see patterns of behaviors that I recognize from myself. How can he have picked them up already? Hopefully, patterns that I can talk about and change - wishful thinking maybe. He's probably too young to understand what I am talking about. For example: We had a bbq last week. The kids were running races. Eventually we had it set up so that the little kids had "handicaps" or head starts and then the big kids ran after them. Usually the kids finished about the same was a lot of fun and all the kids were having a ball. Not August. He had to win. When he couldn't he quit. It's a pattern - if he can't be the best or do well he quits (BMX). He doesn't want to keep trying and practising. He is good or he stops - somehow doesn't seem to see the "practice=more skill" connection. IF someone is better he stops. He doesn't seem to get enjoyment from the activity. I remember the feeling he is feeling as a child. I wish he wasn't like this. Is it inborn? I have been a proponent of cooperative games and encoragement from minute one. I don't use unnecessary or unauthentic praise and never have. He wants to play soccer. But one of his friends always steals the ball from him and now he doesn't want to join because he won't be as good. This friend goes to school and plays soccer or floor hockey every recess and lunch, it's a practice "time-in" issue. I want to encourage him to join for the joy of it, but don't want to have a huge fight on my hands every Saturday when it's time for soccer. Is it a first born thing? Do they have to be the best? I want him to get joy from doing not from being the best. I was so aware of patterns of behavior so I don't know how this evolved.....

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